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2. COMMUNICATE YOUR DESIRES
Speak to people in person, on the phone, send an email or a snail mail but make sure you communicate your dreams and desires for your wedding.
TYPE A BRIDES: You're in for a tough conversation. If you have very definite ideas about your wedding and you don't want any "meddling" by well intentioned friends and family, be clear at the start. They may not be happy about your decision (and they may not comply) but you need to remind them that you are a grown woman (after all, you're getting married, right?). While you appreciate their help, you know your own heart and mind. Rather than have any arguments or bad blood later on, you are making it clear no interference and no advice.
This can be a challenge if your parents (or his) are paying for the wedding. Many parents feel they have a right to make the decisions because they are footing the bill. And of course, parents will always feel you're their little girl, no matter how old you are or how successful your career. Explain your feelings without anger. And then, be prepared to listen.
Respect their feelings. It's only fair. They listened to you. Communication is a two way street. Even when you disagree, if you are both honest and open about your dreams, priorities and desires for your wedding, then this experience can bring you closer together.
If there will be no peace until other get involved, you can assign individual tasks. Pick your battles and compromise when possible. For a list of task ideas, see How to Delegate.
TYPE B BRIDES: If you're not hiring a planner, then you're going to need help from family and friends. Make sure you tell your support team that you will probably be calling upon them to lend a hand. Most people will be thrilled to assist with your wedding. It's considered a compliment. You're saying you like their taste and trust their judgment. If they've had experience planning an event or if there is something specific that they want to coordinate, take them up on the offer.
We know it's hard to let go and sometimes you will even feel out of control. One way to avoid those feelings is to set up a way of communicating with your support team that makes you comfortable. It can be as formal as a weekly status report or as informal as the occasional email. Whatever works for you, be clear about the form and consistency of communication when you delegate the task to avoid any anxiety later on.
TYPE C BRIDES: Seriously consider hiring a planner to help with the details. If that is not an option, then your delegation list gets much longer.
If you really don't want a wedding and you're doing it for someone else (fiancé or parent), ask that person if he or she wants to plan the wedding. But before you offer them the honor of planning your wedding, ask yourself these questions:
- Is this person reliable?
- Does this person share my taste and style? Do I care?
- Do I trust this person to plan my wedding?
If you are truly comfortable handing the reigns over to someone else, then the first thing you need to do is set the date. While we know you really don't want to be involved, at the very least, you should make the final selection on the locations and the officiant.
If you cannot delegate the entire wedding to just one person, then you'll need to go through a few steps before handing over the reigns to friends and family.
- Set a budget (see budget advice)
- Consider giving each family or friend a different vendor or category to investigate. Set a budget for each area so they have a guideline. Then let everyone do their job choosing the photographer, Videographer, music, etc.
Make sure you communicate to your support team that you want as little involvement as possible. The final choice for vendor selection is theirs. You don't want to be bothered with the decision. Their only job is to let you know when their task is complete.
You might consider monthly status meetings. It's a fun way for everyone to stay connected about the wedding while spending time with people you love.
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